When I think about my solo trip over the last four months, I am overwhelmed with a heavy mind and heart. When I think about my journey over the last year as a whole, I can barely let it hold my attention before discomfort forces it away, desperate to make room for the optimism and courage that I know is hiding in there somewhere.
Life is crazy.
In late 2015, at 30 years old, I went through a divorce and consequently left my entire life behind to travel the world. Part of the reason I wanted to take the leap and embark on this journey is because I really want to live my life, to be my best self, to feel every day, as if the days themselves are tangible, and to stop letting time go by thinking, “Maybe someday things will be different,” but to actually take a stand and attempt to live up to what I feel is my potential and my contribution in this world. Some might look at my life before this and wonder what about it didn’t feel like living, and that’s okay, we all have our perspectives.
In the process of leaving, I asked for adventure, I asked for emotion, I asked for a challenge, and I certainly got all of that and more, tenfold. I have learned so much. I have felt so much more than I ever realized a person could feel. I am still in the grips of exponential personal growth, and I am different. I am strong. I am confident. There is no going back to me before this trip, before this journey. Nothing that happens can ever take these experiences and lessons away from me, and I value that; I have worked hard for them.
As part of my contribution, I want to share some of these lessons with you:
1. Raw life is real life.
So many people, my previous self included, go through this world not only seeing through the proverbial rose-colored lenses, but carrying a rose colored shield as well. There is a certain status that our society demands of us, that social media demands of us, and we are all so quick to prove that we are worthy of it. If something “bad” happens, the rose-colored lenses shatter, and we are quick to shut down, to feel judged and unworthy, which, in my opinion, is complete bullshit.
The truth, as it turns out, is that living, truly living, means hurting, daring, loving, and losing, and those who experience these and come out stronger will live all the more.
2. Speak up, it matters.
Rose colored lenses be damned, we don’t talk about real life enough. When I finally spoke up about my divorce on my blog, I received an incredible amount of messages, comments, and emails from my readers thanking me for sharing something so personal. Many of them said that they, too, have been through a divorce.
The shame that goes with an experience like divorce is immense. But, like Brené Brown so brilliantly writes, if we speak Shame, it disappears. As soon as we talk about things like this that matter, we take a huge step in truly getting through it.
It’s true that life sucks sometimes, but it’s also true that there are people in all of our lives who love us and want to see us overcome obstacles. It’s our choice to speak up and let them in, and, as I have learned, so many people are in the same boat, and you never know who is watching or listening and will be inspired and encouraged by your own story.
3. Talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend.
Don’t get stuck in a shame cycle. It’s easy to let Shame put us down with words like “You’re never going to get there… You can’t do it… Say goodbye to that dream…” Would you ever say that to your best friend? I have struggled with this in the last year, mostly because when my rose-colored shield and lenses shattered, I was ashamed. I didn’t reach out to my friends; I let Shame talk to me instead.
Again, bullshit. This isn’t going to get any of us anywhere but down. Now if I find myself slipping back into the shame cycle, I either speak up and reach out to my best friends, who are so quick to be there for me (why did I ever doubt that in the first place?), or I rehearse in my head what I would say to them if they were in my position. It’s a completely different story, and it always, always helps.
4. We have to act on our own dreams, no one else is capable.
What is the thing you’ve had in the back of your mind for a long time, but never acted on? There is no better time than the present to make big things happen, because time will keep ticking away. Even if it takes big sacrifice. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.
We only get one shot at this life and these dreams. But there won’t be a way unless you truly create the will. Stepping up to the plate this year and speaking my truth, following the path I’ve been avoiding, was the single hardest and bravest thing I’ve ever done. But, I was the only person in the world capable of making it happen.
It might take all the courage you can possibly muster, but showing up and standing up for yourself is always worth it.
5. When in doubt, travel.
If you think for one second that there isn’t something waiting for you on the other side of the world, you are wrong.
There is nothing in this world like traveling to foreign places, getting so far outside your comfort zone that every second is a learning experience, and opening yourself up to being changed by the experience itself.
Forget Cancun. Get out. Go far, go deep, lose yourself until you find yourself.
I don’t have a home in Montana anymore. I left it. I put my stuff in storage. As I’m going through the hardest of the lessons overseas, I don’t have a “home” that I want to return to, and you know what that means? It means I am home. There is nowhere else I’d rather be than where I am right this minute, which happens to be on a plane from Spain to Argentina. But my answer was the same yesterday in Madrid, and the week before that in Austria, and the month before that in Germany.
With nothing but my Self and my backpack as my constant companions on this journey, I have everything to gain. Solo travel is for the faint of heart, that’s exactly who it’s for, as it has absolutely everything to offer that everything you already know can’t possibly give you.
Travel, even when it requires sacrifice. You will come out stronger. You will come out a better version of yourself.
When I think of everything I have gained as a result of everything I have lost in the last year, tears come to my eyes, but, they are tears of courage.
Listen to a panel conversation around the topics of this post on my podcast.
20 comments
Brittany Quaglieri
February 8, 2016 at 08:46
Jackie. That last line is KILLER. <3 Big, beautiful lessons. I couldn't agree more.
Jackie Laulainen
February 8, 2016 at 11:19
Thanks, Brittany <3
Leah Kate
February 8, 2016 at 12:17
I am quite literally in tears right now. This is exquisite. I’ll be doing all my writing with wine from now on (as if I didn’t already…guess I’ll have to up the dosage). xx
Jackie Laulainen
February 8, 2016 at 13:16
Ahhh Leah! I’m with you, friend. Thank you so much, and cheers xx
Danielle Isbell
February 8, 2016 at 12:24
YES! Love this so much! I feel like we are conditioning ourselves share everything with those rose colored filters, especially in social media. We tend not to share the truly hurtful or ugly, and I have found in those few instances where we do, the response is always positive and freeing in it’s own way. Shattering the shame simply by speaking it. Love. <3
Jackie Laulainen
February 8, 2016 at 13:24
It’s SO true. It takes such courage to speak up about something, but in the process, you gain true strength and connect with people on such a real level, it’s incredible how it works that way.
Meg Ten Eyck
February 8, 2016 at 13:00
I love that you tied Brene Brown’s research into this post. It’s so important to recognize shame in our day to day lives. I see you Jackie. Your vulnerability is beautiful.
Jackie Laulainen
February 8, 2016 at 13:45
LOVE. Thank you so much, Meg.
JR
February 8, 2016 at 13:05
The steps (especially #4) had me think when you said
“What is the thing you’ve had in the back of your mind for a long time, but never acted on?”
This had me thinking. I have struggled with this. Its more of what I need to do than an actual goal, but its being 100% confident in my decisions. More times than not, I have had to delay or alter a plan one way or another. Could be travel, work, etc. You can have the best laid out plan, and life decides to hit back.
The one thing that I am constantly telling myself is “everything will be okay.”
Jackie Laulainen
February 8, 2016 at 14:00
I tell myself that, too. I’m also still growing in the process of being stand-alone confident in some of my decisions, and that can be a scary thing. I’m practicing it on a daily basis. When it comes down to it, though, no matter how many obstacles life puts in our path, we have to find a way through them if we truly want to see our ideas and decisions come to fruition.
JustinTime
February 8, 2016 at 19:54
That was awesome Jackie. As a fellow traveller, writer, and relationship crisis experiencer I can confidently say I vibed with all of this blog post. We don’t talk about real life enough? Yes! Getting outside your comfort zone actually ends up widening your comfort zone? True! We are our best versions of ourselves during and after travel? Of course! I too have experienced all these truths and its comforting to see you passionately writing about them. I actually met some friends of yours in my suburban southeastern Pennsylvania town who you helped on their journey to New Zealand (Nick and Katie). They told me about your blog and how you inspired them. I too am all about traveling and experiencing as much as I can throughout our numbered days here. It would really mean a lot if you gave it a peep! I just got back from Denmark a couple weeks ago and I’m about to put that experience up. I’m at: justintime6.blogspot.com Thanks and let me know what ya think!
Jackie Laulainen
February 18, 2016 at 12:04
So glad this resonated with you! And fun that you got to meet Nick and Katie, love them. Thanks for the kind words, happy travels to you!
christhornblad
February 9, 2016 at 16:04
My day is better, for having read this. I’m new to your blog and your podcast, Jackie, but I’m thoroughly enjoying them. You know, every path on this planet is a little different, and if you aren’t walking your own, you’re depriving yourself of the best view. Whatever the hows and the whys are, that got you to where you are right now, I admire the courage that it took for you to step off into the misty future. I’m not always courageous, but every time I am, it pays off. Every time. In forty-three years, I’ve learned to live by seven rules (so far): Always take the scenic route; Define yourself; Find the extraordinary in the ordinary; Climb the mountain because it’s there; Drive with the windows down, for as long as you can; Contribute to the discussion, not the noise; And, learn to ride a unicycle. 🙂 Keep following your path, and be brave; it can only lead to beautiful things!
Jackie Laulainen
February 18, 2016 at 12:08
I love this. “Every path on this planet is a little different, and if you aren’t walking your own, you’re depriving yourself of the best view.” Anything less than our best is a waste of the gift, right? I love it. Thanks for sharing, and here’s to courage!
Mbzz Nowhere
February 13, 2016 at 14:19
you ever been to Georgia. i am a native Montanan (i guess that would not be by choice) and now i live half way round the world in this little country.
Jackie Laulainen
February 18, 2016 at 12:05
Not quite, but close! I was in the Ayder valley of eastern Turkey last May and I LOVED it. If Georgia looks anything like that, I am certain it is a place I would like.
Jackie F.
February 13, 2016 at 17:35
Thank you for this, Jackie – for being brave and real and vulnerable and sharing your journey with us. You are an inspiration to me to go big and live the life I know I should be living!
Jackie Laulainen
February 18, 2016 at 12:06
YES. That is what it’s about. Cheers to that!
Elizabeth
November 18, 2017 at 20:01
I came across this discussion on your podcast tonight as I sit by myself in Sucre Bolivia and had to read it again. I’m a first time solo traveler at the age of 21 who just left an abusive relationship and am now on a journey to reclaim who I truly am. This discussion brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for talking about this and please continue to do so!
Jackie Nourse
November 19, 2017 at 09:14
Thank you for sharing that Elizabeth, hugs and strength to you! Keep going! I will, too. xo Jackie