I know most of you have noticed that I’m on a solo trip. A married girl on a solo trip, a long-term solo trip. There’s something not quite right about that.
You are right.
Deep breath. Trembling fingers to keyboard, tell me that’s just the cold of winter in this airy Italian apartment…
Dear Readers,
Part of the reason I started this blog (in addition to my budget travel blog) was to have a place to write and share personal essays, to go deeper in my exploration of travel and self expression on my adventurous journey through life. This story is one of those, and it’s taking every bit of courage for me to begin to share it.
The truth is, I just went through a divorce.
Exhale.
Although I’ve been waiting for the right moment to hit “Publish” on this, I have had no shortage of words lately. Tens of thousands of them exist in my journal, inspired both by emotion and moments of clarity as thoughts invade my mind from all directions, while I desperately attempt to capture and interpret them before they disappear.
I cling to these thoughts and lessons and reread them as if they hold the key to my future, because they do. They also hold my past and present, and my healing.
This year has certainly been challenging. Many of you noticed it in my lack of creative writing, in my massive break and sporadic schedule in podcasting, in my nearly constant traveling and being away from home so much in the last nine months, in my solo pictures, in my obsessive interest in long-term travel, and in the absence of mentions of my husband in blog posts or podcast episodes.
You caught on. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
From the beginning, I have chosen to be very transparent as a blogger and podcaster. That’s because I’m a real person, and I don’t want to come across as being fake or extra special, or making travel out to be something perfect or unattainable for normal people. I’ve made travel my profession out of pure passion and ambition, and as epic as some of my photos may be, there’s nothing fake about me or my story.
Behind the photos, behind the blog posts, behind the mess of an editorial calendar this year, there is a real human, with a real life.
While some of you have commented, questioned, and emailed me privately, I know many of the rest of you have also been wondering, coming to your own conclusions, about my solo situation. I am deeply grateful for the concern and support so many of you have shown me.
This is a huge decision. A huge life change. Not something that should be thrown around lightly, and certainly not something I wanted to talk about until I was ready.
I’m almost three months into this solo trip, which has taken me from my home in Montana to an amazing, soul-comforting couple of weeks in Chile, then through both highs and lows in Thailand, and now to Italy (my favorite country), which was spontaneous, yet incredibly serendipitous now that I see the big picture.
As it turns out, Italy has been just what my heart needed, albeit far from rainbows and butterflies. I’d more appropriately liken it to heart rehab, which is both painful and necessary. Being on the go for months had delayed certain stages of my self awareness and attention to the status of my heart. Settling down in Italy for just a couple weeks was enough to kick start some hard lessons. Heart. Lessons.
It has been more than I can bear at times, which makes me grateful that I am in such a beautiful place that inspires and comforts me. My leaving Thailand had to happen the way it did, so I could make the decision to come here when I did, so I could be going through this very important stage where I am.
I have spent more time reflecting than doing anything else in Italy, and somehow, I’ve reestablished communication with my creativity, regained my motivation to write stories and record podcast episodes, and reignited my interest in taking care of myself.
I’ve also decided that it’s time to step out from behind the black veil of a broken marriage. I’m ready to admit that yes, this happened, and it has affected absolutely everything, and this is why I’m traveling solo. If I’m going to be an honest writer, then writing this is a necessary step.
I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, both literally and figuratively, and I’ve already been rewarded in many ways (including copious amounts of pizza, pasta, and gelato).
This year has been full of personal growth, a journey not for the faint of heart. I plan to tell parts of my story in the coming months. Not because I owe it to anyone, not because I’m looking for pity, and certainly not because I want to celebrate divorce or disrespect my ex, but simply because I have something to say, and I built this blog so I could say it. It is also inherently entwined in this solo journey of mine, which makes sharing the story relevant to understanding my perspective of everything else I have to say as I travel.
Divorce is an ugly word and an awkward subject, as if we should be ashamed because we went through it, yet it’s something at least one in three marriages in the US faces. I’m channeling my inner Liz Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed, Frances Mayes, and Brené Brown to write about it tastefully and creatively, as these women have all given me some sort of inspiration and courage around doing so.
I’m not going to share the details of the relationship, that is simply no one’s business but mine and my ex’s. What I want to share is what I am learning and observing, how travel is helping me heal and grow, and the things that I find are giving me hope to continue living the life I feel called to live. Maybe some of you can find hope in that, too.
Deep breath… Here’s to pressing forward, and “Publish”
Please consider the real people on both sides of this situation before you comment.
29 comments
Kash Bhattacharya
December 14, 2015 at 08:46
Never an easy decision to change your life and then plunge into the roller coaster journey of life on the road. I went through a divorce 3 years back and made a big decision to quit my job and go blogging full-time. I haven’t looked back since but I must admit, life on the road had its share of beautiful and tough moments. Then I met someone special just when I thought it was not possible… First few months are the toughest. I was lucky because we are part of this huge community of travellers so you’re really never alone whenever you travel. The blog has been a good form of therapy and to this day is the place where I feel at home, wherever I am in the world. Blogging saved my life and am sure has saved countless others. So keep travelling, blogging, growing and sharing the journey with us all. Catchup soon in 2016 fellow budget traveller 🙂
Jackie Laulainen
December 15, 2015 at 03:22
Bingo. It almost seems crazy to me to get on the “roller coaster journey of life on the road” (so aptly named), after having made such a huge change. Yet at the same time, I feel like it’s absolutely essential. I’m grateful to be part of our omnipresent community, thanks so much for the encouraging words. See you soon 🙂
Journeywoman
December 14, 2015 at 08:50
Jackie, let me share my story with you: http://www.journeywoman.com/olderadv/ListentoYourHeartandTravel.htm
Jackie Laulainen
December 15, 2015 at 03:00
Evelyn, thanks for sharing that, I read your story. I know what legacy you have created, and to think that it started in the place that I am in now is inspiring. Thanks for making me smile! I hope our travel paths cross again soon. I love that I got to witness in Turkey how you have embraced solo travel, and that will continue to inspire me.
Journeywoman
December 15, 2015 at 07:09
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUBnxqEVKlk
Jennifer
December 14, 2015 at 09:07
Well written post on such a tough subject Jackie! Thinking of you and wishing you well!
Jackie Laulainen
December 15, 2015 at 03:00
Thank you so much
Kristen Muir
December 14, 2015 at 16:54
Hi Jackie, Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I’ve been following your adventures… feeling inspired by your strength to travel solo. This post must have been really hard for you… as always, I admire the grace and class that you carry yourself with. My thoughts are with you on your journey. BTW… still quiet news but Scott and I just got reassigned to Germany for 3 years with the Air Force. I sure hope our travel adventures collide in Europe again. I would love to see you and give you a big hug! Italy is and always will be such a special place for me as well. Our 2005 trip abroad together was such a turning point in my life. xoxo Kris
Jackie Laulainen
December 15, 2015 at 03:05
Hey Kris! Thank you for that. It’s crazy that ten years ago we were living together in that little cottage, such big moments in both of our lives. I’m so excited for you and Scott to go to Germany, it’s funny to say but it’ll be much easier to see you there than in southern California 😉 Keep me posted. Hugs to you
NovemberHereYet
December 15, 2015 at 00:08
I’m familiar with the emotions you’re experiencing. Reflecting on my divorce almost 35 years ago along with the 32 years with my wife, five kids and six grandkids and the myriad of life’s experiences we have shareef, I wouldn’t change it one bit!! It was without a doubt THE low point in my life but what a blessing it became! Your path is not mine but I say this to encourage you to have faith in your future! It will be awesome!
Thanks for all you do!
Rick Nielson
Jackie Laulainen
December 15, 2015 at 03:14
Thank you so much, Rick. It’d be a true tragedy if we were unable to learn from the low times to make ourselves stronger. I really appreciate your encouragement and optimism.
Gloria Atanmo
December 16, 2015 at 05:55
I have so much love and respect for you, because you took something that many people associate with anger and bitterness, and turned into such a beautiful and almost poetic account of just another aspect of life that you happened to go through.
As a travel blogger, you’re not any less human than the next person, and people seem to forget that. I’m still just a bit caught off guard by those who would think it’s their business to ask (whether they meant well or not), you’re not obligated to discuss every waking detail of your life and it’s the downside to being a public person.
Alas, excited to see how you turn this into one of the most exciting next chapters of your life. Because that’s how life works. Something always comes out of it, and whether it’s a new you, a new destination, or a new revelation, I’m excited to see what your future holds. Best of luck xx
Jackie Laulainen
December 29, 2015 at 07:33
Thank you so much, Glo xx
racheltrager
December 22, 2015 at 01:09
Beautiful article filled with so much strength and honesty. Thank you for writing it.
Jackie Laulainen
December 29, 2015 at 07:34
Thank you, Rachel!
Amber
December 28, 2015 at 19:56
I’ve been there too, and it’s hard. I’m impressed you are still putting things out there for your listeners (I pretty much disappeared for a year), so thank you – I love all your work! <3
Jackie Laulainen
December 29, 2015 at 07:38
Wow, I’m sorry to hear that, Amber, and at the same time, I can totally understand. Also, thank you thank you thank you. Every bit of encouragement keeps me going…
Kirsten Alana
January 12, 2016 at 06:15
Divorce is the catalyst that sent me on the road, and kept me on the road for 4 years. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone….yet it can become the kind of transformative experience that forever alters not just the course of your life, but sometimes the course of other’s lives too as you may find yourself becoming the very inspiration for some followers, that you once found others to be! It doesn’t have to be a black veil, it can simply be an open door.
Jackie Laulainen
January 19, 2016 at 08:10
That is definitely part of the surprising part about this, the amount of people who have said thank you to me for writing this has blown me away. I think it is easy for us to get into a place where we feel like we are alone in it, but it’s so not true. Many people go through this, and find strength in each other. You are one of those for me! xx
Danielle Isbell
January 14, 2016 at 09:33
Sending lots of healing love you way, Jackie! I’m glad you’re taking this time to reflect and heal. Thank you for sharing this and for being so open with your followers. Much love!
Jackie Laulainen
January 19, 2016 at 08:11
Thank you so much, Danielle, I appreciate you saying that!
Michael McColl
January 15, 2016 at 13:40
Divorce… I’ve been there too, Jackie. Cliches be damned, just know that it gets better. As Kash mentions, the first few months are the toughest. Rooting for you!
Jackie Laulainen
January 19, 2016 at 08:12
Thank you, Mike!
Jen Skalbeck
February 8, 2016 at 11:58
I read this with curiosity as I’m in almost the same situation…me and my sister have thrown around starting a joint blog and I’ve done a lot of journaling this year. But my recent divorce permeates everything and I know I would have to talk about it at some point and have agonized over how to do that in a way that seems appropriate and respectful. I like the preface you gave along with the “ground rules” of not discussing the issues in the relationship. Thanks for giving me an example of how to deal with this in a graceful yet honest manner.
Jackie Laulainen
February 11, 2016 at 13:01
This is great, I’m so glad you are encouraged about how to do this, because I hope you do it. It’s important to speak up about the things we learn through situations like this, or even to share where the perspective is coming from, because it will resonate more strongly with readers. Thanks for sharing.
Nika Mukai
April 14, 2016 at 03:40
Thank you for everything you do Jackie, when I pay off my student loans I want to travel the world like you. Please continue blogging on both your budget website and this one, you have so much wisdom, strength, courage, and love that I can feel through your writing. You help keep me inspired. I love you so much again thank you!
Jackie Laulainen
June 3, 2016 at 15:32
Oh Nika thank you! I so appreciate your support and encouragement. <3
aleksandra reynoso
January 15, 2017 at 11:36
I stumbled upon your article for a reason – it’s like reading about my own experience! Going through the divorce myself. My ex did not understand my passion for travelling so I had to choose…I enjoy our writing a great deal, Jackie! Looking forward for reading more of it. Thank you <3
Jackie Nourse
January 16, 2017 at 19:09
<3 thank you! So glad you can relate, it's nice to know we are not alone, isn't it? Cheers.